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Congratulations to Sarah, Liam & Josh
On the Birth Of Baby 
Leyla,
Born On 29th April at 12.48pm, weighing i at 8lb 12 3/4oz.
Both Mummy & Baby are doing well xx

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 men jokes

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Vixy
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PostSubject: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:39 pm

A woman walks into a pet store wanting to buy a pet for her husband, but she finds all the pets are so so expensive.
The woman says to the clerk at the counter, "I'm looking to buy a pet for my husband but I'm on a very short budget!."
"No worries," replies the clerk.
"We've just ordered in a very large bullfrog that can give bl*wjobs."
"Bl*wjobs," says the woman, buying the frog, thinking it would be a great gag gift, so she goes home and gives the frog to her husband explaining the frogs talent.
With a laugh the husband walks off leaving the frog in the kitchen.
In the middle of the night the woman wakes up to the sound of pots and pans flying around in the kitchen.
She goes down to find her husband and the frog reading cookbooks.
"What are you two doing?" she asks.
"Well," says the husband. "If I can teach this frog to cook you are outta here."
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Vixy
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Number of posts : 3407
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:40 pm

Man walks into the doctors turns to the doctor and says:
"I can't stand being 3 feet tall any longer!!!!"
Doctor replies, "Well you'll just have to learn to be a little patient."
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Vixy
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PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:40 pm

Why did the blonde give her computer cough medicine?

It had a virus!
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Vixy
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:42 pm

Why did the blonde spray her computer with raid?

It had a bug.
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Vixy
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PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:46 pm

How many blonde jokes are there?
1 the rest of them are true stories.
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Vixy
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:47 pm

A few days after Christmas, a mother was working in the kitchen listening to her young son playing with his new electric train in the living room.
She heard the train stop and her son said, "All of you sons of b*tches who want off, get the hell off now, cause this is the last stop! And all of you sons of b*tches who are getting on, get your asses in the train, cause we're going down the tracks."
The mother went nuts and told her son, "We don't use that kind of language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room and you are to stay there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train, but I want you to use nice language."
Two hours later, the son comes out of the bedroom and resumes playing with his train. Soon the train stopped and the mother heard her son say, "All passengers who are disembarking from the train, please remember to take all of your belongings with you. We thank you for riding with us today and hope your trip was a pleasant one. We hope you will ride with us again soon." She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we ask you to stow all of your hand luggage under your seat. Remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."
As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please see the b*tch in the kitchen."
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Vixy
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PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:48 pm

I went to blockbusters last night and asked if i could borrow Batman Forever the bloke at the counter said, "NO you have to bring it back tomorrow!"
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PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:49 pm

Paddy got a job as a road line-painter. He paints 5 miles on the first day, 2 miles on the second day and 1 on the third day.
"You get worse and worse every day!" yelled his boss.
"That is because the bucket gets further and further away every day." said Paddy.
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Vixy
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PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:50 pm

Why did the blonde tip-toe across the medicine cabinet?

So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills.
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Vixy
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:52 pm

There were 3 women going into a bus
The first one dropped her wallet and had blue pants on and the bus driver said u must support Chelsea.
An hour later another women went on a bus and dropped her bag and as she bent down she had red pants on, so the bus driver said you must support Manchester united.
Then straight after another women walked in and fell and had no pants on so the bus driver said you must support Arsnal.
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:53 pm

A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.
So he decides to try and have s*x with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.
Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.
So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?
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Vixy
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Registration date : 2008-09-23

PostSubject: Re: men jokes   27th January 2010, 12:55 pm

A monkey goes into a bar and asks the barman:
- Do you have any bananas?
- No,I don't. ( says the barman)
- Do you have any bananas? (asks the monkey)
- No,I have not got any bananas!!!
- Do you have any bananas?
- If you ask me that question one more time, I'll nail your tongue to the counter!!!
- Do you have any nails?
- No,I don't.
- Do you have any bananas?
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